sitting in our bed drinking sugary strawberry + kiwi cider

dressed in soft tights and an oversized sweater. if this was a proper blog i suppose there would be pictures instead of me describing the situation. for someone who rarely takes pictures these days photography is still one of the main things i want to end up doing. want to be known for. it'll happen, one day. these days i'm enjoying balancing being anonymous and being selective in my sharing. focusing on words instead of pictures. focusing on being in a situation instead of documenting it. 

i want to accomplish my dreams. i want to reach out. i'd be nice to hear someone saying they enjoy what i do/write/say/think. but i'm not too fussed about being a semi-celebrity. and i feel like everyone is so focused on that nowadays. that you're not successful if you don't have a big following of some sort. it's a shame that expressing yourself equals branding. i'm guilty of it myself. of not writing certain tweets. certain facebook posts. of not commenting on one political movement / historical happening and not the other. of being very selective when it comes to my instagram feed etc. this blog is made with the intent of being more honest with myself and others. what i wish for is for things to be simple. for an uncluttered brain. for things to come to me naturally. sharing honestly. 

work is not going great at the moment. to be frank, it's tough. it's draining. but i'm doing it. i'm doing it all with a goal in my mind that soon, hopefully, i don't have to do it anymore. in my dreams i see andrew + me. a little house. a dog. doing things we love. i'm taking steps towards it every day. every minute, even though i don't realise it at the time. 

i'm not entirely sure which direction this blog post is going towards. i've been enjoying drinking one pint of cider lately, which makes me so, so, tired and relaxed and cosy. when i fall asleep it's like the blod inside of me is making shapes which makes me feel tranquillised. tonight i watched the netflix documentary of nina simone and it was amazing. goodnight.